My girlfriend and I (F) have been together for a while now, and our relationship is honestly great. We’re close, we get on well, and I love her a lot. But there’s one thing that’s been really hard for me to deal with.

I’ve never had an orgasm with her.

I can orgasm on my own, and I have with past partners, so it’s not a physical issue. But with her, no matter how much I enjoy being intimate, my body just doesn’t respond in that way. I rarely ask her to touch me because it doesn’t do much for me, and I can only finish if I’m completely alone. If she’s even in the room, my body shuts down. Even when she sends me sexy photos or videos, I don’t get turned on by them.

It’s confusing because I am attracted to her. I love being close to her. But I feel stuck in this role where I’m always the one giving, and I can’t seem to switch into receiving mode. It’s like my body won’t let me be vulnerable in that way, even though emotionally I feel safe with her.

We’ve talked about it a lot, and she’s supportive, but the feelings don’t go away. The part that hurts the most is the loneliness. I miss the feeling of shared connection during intimacy. I miss what it felt like to orgasm with someone. Doing it alone every time makes me feel isolated, even though I’m in a loving relationship.

I’m scared that this is just how things will be forever, and I don’t want that. I don’t know how to get unstuck or how to change this dynamic.